Dr. Carolyn Lee reflects on a different cliché each week. Recently, in her blog “Simplify, Simplify, Simplify,” she reflects on the words of Henry David Thoreau. This week Carolyn explores the cliché, stop me if you’ve heard this.
Learn more about Dr. Carolyn Lee on her biography page or investigate 29 more clichés in her latest book, Keep Your Eye on the Ball And Other Clichès to Live By.
Stop Me If You’ve Heard This
When I have led seminars or made speeches or written material about self-awareness and self-discovery, I have suggested that some questions we ought to ask ourselves occasionally are, “What do you tend to talk a lot about?” or “What subjects are you likely to bring up in conversation?” or “What topics do people associate with you?” When I’ve asked myself those questions, the answers are pretty clear. I like to participate in conversations about theater and film and travel and writing and art. If it seems appropriate, I like to talk about relationships and communication, and, of course, there are always the current problems that people are facing or situations in which they find themselves.
The more interesting question for me lately is “What conversational material do you tend to repeat?” “What stories do you tell every time you get an opportunity?” “What anecdotes in your arsenal do you never seem to tire of sharing?”
I’ve noticed that, when talking with a number of my friends, we tend to begin stories with “I’ve probably told you this, but . . .” or maybe “Stop me if you’ve heard this before,” but then we tell the story anyway. I have been comforted by learning that I am not alone in the tendency to repeat myself. Repetitive storytelling is such a widespread phenomenon that a group of researchers in Ontario studied the subject and discovered something called “destination memory.” This term refers to our ability—or lack of ability—to remember to whom we have told our stories. Apparently, it’s so much fun for me to tell about the time I played the Cowardly Lion in summer stock that I momentarily forget that my friends might be hearing it for the ninth time.
I had dinner with friends the other night, and afterwards we sat around the table talking and sharing stories. It wasn’t until after they left, and I was reflecting on the evening that I came to a startling conclusion. I felt sure that there wasn’t one thing I said at the table that I hadn’t already said on some other occasion, possibly to these same people. I never thought of that while I was speaking, but it became quite clear to me after my guests had gone home. I was retroactively embarrassed.
As I read about the “same story syndrome” (yes, there is such a thing) I learned that there are many reasons why we repeat ourselves. In addition to destination memory problems, reasons range from loquaciousness to inebriation. Sometimes there are genuine mental health issues involved. I didn’t really identify with or relate to any of them. I don’t think my tendency to tell the story again has any deep-seated, psychological significance.
I think, in the midst of a lively conversation, an exchange of stories, I don’t stop to ask myself, “Are you getting ready to tell a story that these people have already heard?” I should, because I figure if people have known me long enough, they’ve probably heard just about every story in my repertoire. I don’t think to ask, “Have I told you the one about . . .?” I just tell it.
I think when I share my stories I’m just attempting to make a contribution to the conversation or, perhaps, entertain. Sometimes I’m trying to make a point, and I pull up one of the old metaphorical anecdotes I’ve used in the past because I think it illustrates my “thesis.” Sometimes when I express my opinion about topics that interest me I might delve into material I have spoken from the front of a classroom in the subconscious hope that I will sound smart, even wise.
Of course, I’ve been on the other side of this situation, too. I have sat and listened to things I have heard multiple times and behaved as if I didn’t know what was coming. I have laughed at stories I knew by heart and feigned surprise at telling #4. The person recounting the story seems to be enjoying it so much that I don’t want to spoil the occasion. And some stories are so good I actually enjoy hearing them again—and maybe even again.
I don’t know exactly what resolution to make about all of this. I can’t very well say, “I’m never going to tell any of my old standards again” lest my friends find me unsociable and taciturn. I do think, though, that I ought to become more conscious about what I share and with whom I share it. I ought to avoid telling a story so often that I engender eye-rolling at the dinner table. I don’t want to make it necessary for my friends to pretend they’ve never heard that one before. And here’s a novel idea: I ought to do more listening, even if I’m listening to stories I’ve already heard.
One other possibility: I could continue to tell my stories so much that they become folktales. A folktale is an old story that has been told again and again, often for generations. Just think—someday, years and years in the future, some descendant of mine might regale her dinner-table companions with the story of great-great-great Aunt Carolyn’s playing the Cowardly Lion in a 1964 production of The Wizard of Oz.
Want to Read More?
Check out Dr. Carolyn Lee’s blogs on her website, she features a new cliché each week or you can order her new book, Keep Your Eye on the Ball And Other Clichès to Live By. Want to know more about the woman behind the words? Read more about Carolyn here. We hope you enjoyed this article learning more about the cliché, stop me if you’ve heard this.
