Dr. Carolyn Lee reflects on a different cliché each week. Recently, in her blog “The Good Old Days,” she remembers how things used to be and compare them to how things are. This week Carolyn explores the cliché, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  

Learn more about Dr. Carolyn Lee on her biography page or investigate 29 more clichés in her latest book, Keep Your Eye on the Ball And Other Clichès to Live By. 

If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say Anything At All 

For weeks, no months, no years I have been wanting to share my deepest feelings, my most profound insights concerning our former President and the current state of affairs in American politics. I have shied away from these topics for several reasons. Number One: I haven’t particularly wanted to deal in controversial subject matter or say anything that would alienate a large segment of my reading audience. Number Two: I would like to avoid getting hate mail and death threats.  

I guess there’s nothing new about hate mail and death threats, although their becoming a standard way of expressing disapproval or disagreement seems to be a relatively recent phenomenon. One must be careful these days and do what one can to avoid annoying anyone or expressing an opinion that might cause a neighbor or someone behind the wheel of an automobile to engage in an act of blind fury. “Road rage” used to mean yelling at or “flipping off” an offending driver. Today, road rage often involves automatic weapons and ends in dead bodies.  

So, no, I don’t want to infuriate anyone. Neither do I want to be rude or unkind. When the topic of Donald Trump comes up, as it inevitably does when citizens are gathered together, I make an attempt (not always successfully, I admit) to share my opinions without malice or to refrain from sharing them at all. But is it true that, if you can’t say something “nice,” you should just keep your mouth shut? On July 10, 2020, I posted a lengthy opinion-piece on Facebook. I had tried not to post it for months, but then I came across this quotation by Patrick Henry: “Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself guilty of treason toward my country.” And so, I expressed, as best I could, my utter dismay, my profound disappointment, my genuine trepidation about the sorry state of our democracy.    

I wrote that Facebook post before Donald Trump had refused to concede the election, before the events of January 6, 2021, before he was impeached for the second time, before the infamous Georgia phone call, before the Stormy Daniels indictment, before the stolen documents scandal, before the E. Jean Carroll trial. I wrote it when I naively thought things were as bad as they were going to get.  

Now, here we are, two years later, and it is clear that, in 2021, things were not as bad as they were going to get.  Donald Trump is still railing against the “fake news,” crying “witch hunt” and repeating claims about a “rigged election” that have been proved false over and over again in courts across the country. New scandals pop up weekly; accusations and investigations and potential indictments are part of every nightly newscast. Hard to think of anything nice to say about all of that.  

I am not a political scholar. I don’t know enough to engage in intellectual analyses of current policy matters or to argue about theories regarding the debt ceiling or immigration reform. I don’t have a deep understanding of the stock market or any suggestions about how to reign in inflation. I certainly don’t claim to comprehend Donald Trump’s ideology, if he has one. The thing about which it is hard for me to say anything “nice” and yet difficult to remain silent is his character—his personality, his behavior. 

Unless every bit of intuition I’ve ever had about character is dead wrong, unless my eyes and ears have just been lying to me for the past six years, unless whatever wisdom and insight I’ve ever had regarding the inner lives and motivations of the people I encounter has forsaken me, this man who has dominated our culture for so long, is a real and very frightening danger to the democracy I once thought was invincible. Uh-oh. There. I’ve come right out and said it.  

My original plan, when I started this blog was to announce the title: “If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say Anything at All,” reveal that I wanted to write about Donald Trump, and then leave the rest of the page blank. I thought that would be funny. And it would’ve been easy. But it would have been opting out, and, according to Patrick Henry, it would’ve been treasonous! When I wrote that Facebook post two years ago, I dreaded seeing the responses I would get. I’m conflict averse. I’m also spoiled. I’m not accustomed to all that much criticism. So, I braced myself; I thought I might be raked over the coals. But you know what? Ninety-seven people responded to what I had written, and ninety-five of them said something like, “Thank you, Carolyn, for expressing what we couldn’t find words for.” Oh, there might have been people who were angered by my remarks. I’m sure there were Facebook “friends” who disagreed, and who just chose not to say anything. But in all those ninety-five responses, there was no hate, no vitriol, no scathing criticism, just concern and sadness and a little bit of hope. 

It is with that little bit of hope that I will end this blog. It is the one “nice” thing I can think of to say. Charles Dickens said, “Don’t leave off hoping, or it’s of no use doing anything. Hope, hope to the last.” 

Want to Read More? 

Check out Dr. Carolyn Lee’s blogs on her website, she features a new cliché each week or you can order her new book, Keep Your Eye on the Ball And Other Clichès to Live By. Want to know more about the woman behind the words? Read more about Carolyn here. We hope you enjoyed this article learning more about the cliché, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.